Co-Parenting, Marriage, Dating

So very many things going on lately, but most importantly my children are still surviving, despite my parenting skills.

I’m not saying I’m a horrible parent, but what I am saying is that there are days I’ve got no flipping idea what I’m doing. Every day I worry that I am messing up my children for life. My only real hope is that they grow up to be independent, happy, healthy, productive members of society. How to do that… I’m not sure.

I do know that right now my 8 year old little girl is sassier than I was at 13 and I was a mean kid at 13. My 4 year old whines a lot. Something didn’t go her way… solution: WHINE! AHHH! Some days if Elle’s not sassing then Rylie’s whining. It’s a vicious cycle and I’d like to change it.

I also know that my 8 year old needs to know that the man she calls dad, is not her biological father. I haven’t exactly spoken to my ex about this, but this is a huge secret we’re keeping from her. I can’t do it much longer. My journey in life was a difficult one, especially in childhood when my parents were in and out. I want to do whatever I can to provide a healthy, nurturing environment for her that is filled with love and truth. (For both of my girls!)

Yesterday, Elle was mad at me and started crying about how they (her and her sister) don’t get enough time with their dad and their (recently married in) step mother. I felt really so hurt when she said this. I’m trying to be fair and give equal time but I’m also trying to provide consistency and schedule, specifically during the school year. Part of me doesn’t think he deserves more time with them. The time we spent as a couple, I struggled to get him to parent with me. When we split, he took off. He barely had parenting time, because he chose not to. He didn’t participate in their daily activities and certainly didn’t help plan significant events and occasions for them. It was only when he started dating his, now wife that he started stepping up to the plate. That’s also the man she knows. She thinks he’s perfect and an amazing dad… she’s been quick to judge me as a person and as my children’s mother. I’m offended and hurt. It’s hard to believe that your children are hearing positive things about you when they are away with people that truly dislike you. I try to explain things to my girls as positively as possible and not talk shit about their father even when I really, really want to throw something at him. (Not that I am a violent person.)

AND THEN… I do recognize that they deserve more quality time with their father. Everything is serious so hard. There’s no perfect answer or correct way to do things.

Their father and I actually have a fairly decent relationship. It’s just those few times when things aren’t addressed or worse are not handled in the most appropriate ways. This is a co-parenting situation and I really hope my ex realizes that even though he is married it doesn’t give her rights to being a parent, considering he (fortunately and unfortunately) legally doesn’t have any rights himself.

I understand that these two are now together for life or until divorce and that is quite alright with me. But I’m a momma bear. If you come between me and my cubs I’m going to get angry and go into protective mode. I say this because when I feel like they’re overstepping their boundaries I feel like taking things to court as removing all rights. I obviously haven’t but I sure want to sometimes (even though it’s just spiteful and I have no desire to hurt my children.)

I have sole physical custody and I am never going to allow my children to be split up. Another thing I’ve been thinking about lately. So my ex got married this past weekend. They were supposed to get married in a two years or something as then suddenly its next weekend. No one told me. I couldn’t talk to my girls about them participating in a wedding and be excited for my children. But when I found out I tried my best to support Elle, specifically because she was so excited. The pessimistic side of me thought maybe they were up to something devious, like court and children. Then I hoped she was knocked up or that they truly were that in love and didn’t want to wait any longer. I’m hoping the last one. But I’m still a little worried will have to go through some huge court thing.

Like I said so many things running through my mind…

Last but not least, I’m hoping that there can be boundaries and negotiations as to how parenting and dating, co-parenting and having your partner place a significant role in your children’s life. That’s another things I want to work on. I know that there are certain things that my partner doesn’t like about my parenting or my children’s behavior and I would really like to find a solution to help everyone participate productively in each other’s lives.

I’m one lucky girl. I have 2 amazing children. I’m been somehow given a wonderful man who makes me happy, helps and supports me. There are two little girls that make him so happy and call him daddy, I’m grateful are a part of my life. I have trustworthy, kind friends and constant opportunities. We’re a healthy family and I couldn’t ask for much more. I just hope I can give others the happiness they deserve.  

Sick Little Snuggle Bug

My littlest is wonderful, but not feeling so hot. She's extra sweet and snuggly. She's also extra whinny. Working on patience and loving her the best a momma can. She is practicing the Waltz with Jade. I'm not sure the cat is a huge fan of dancing, but she seems to be tolerating Ry's love today.

We've made an appointment today for her to get checked and that will determine what we get to do together today. Hopefully it's a simple cold and we can do a little shopping and cooking. Then she could return to school tomorrow and me to my normal week schedule.

Wish her the best.

I read a post on FB last night from someone I don't know too well. Her son slept after a concussion and had bleeding around the brain. He was put into an induced coma and has now had 3 strokes. He is just 20 months old. I didn't know anything until I read "Row has had 3 strokes now. The mri shows lots of damage. He will probably never wake up.." I'm so very grateful for my children. I cannot begin to imagine the pain she is experiencing. I couldn't imagine loosing either of my girls, not even my partners girls, nor would I ever want to. My heart goes out to her. She is currently 13-14 weeks pregnant. I'm wanting to help fix her heart because I know this would break mine. I'm would love to talk to her, but I don't even know where to begin. I hope I find the right words soon.

Time to fully appreciate my time with my youngest.

Have a splendid Monday.

Behavior and Crafts

The girls come home today after three days with their dad, during the week. Holy balls. I know! Crazy to think where he has come with his parenting skills over the past 2 years. Props to him.

I'm excited and nervous. I know that there's a large possibility they will not behave for me and I'm hoping for rainbows and sunshine, so what I'm hoping will happen and what really will happen may be two different things... :( I'm looking forward to doing some crafts with them. I have started the fall wall... So far I've put up the fall banner the girls made and their apple stamping project. Then I put up the cute little harvest sign I got last year and the Fall Rules picture that I made just the other day.

I'm hoping that tonight the girls get to wrap their letters with Tulle, like they wanted to. Then we can put some bows and flowers on them and hopefully they turn out appealing. I'm also hoping that we can get their handprint trees painted to put up on the fall wall.
Oh and my oh my do I love any crafts that deal with handprints, fingerprints or footprints and we have boat loads of those to do as well.

Next week we will crack down on the Halloween crafts. We have pumpkin and bat crafts, ghost milk jugs, candy corn projects, visiting the apple orchard and pumpkin patch, carving pumpkins and making ghoully delicious fall dishes and treats.

P.S. This year I'm going to get my kids to bob for apples!! bwahaha

Should I really be proud?

Uh-hem... YUP. 

Unfortunately, I don't have the most saint like vocabulary, but fortunately sometimes it's hilarious. If you don't find the next two comments humorous, you might as well not read any of my post from now on. 

So driving in the car the other day, I became enraged with the dumbass driver in front of me. I yelled at the car in front of me, "Oh you stupid dick..." and in an effort to edit what else I had wanted to say I didn't finish. But Trichelle did... it went something like this...
Me -  "Oh you stupid dick..." Elle - "face" Bwahaha gracious this kid knows me. 

Later this same day something crazy happened that surprised me, don't ask me what because I couldn't tell you. I don't remember. So I started letting words fly and all I said was, "Holy" and Elle spat out "Balls." Yes! That's right. I commonly say, "holy balls." It's better than holy shit and seems to do the trick when I use these terms together. 

Twice in one day Elle blew my mind with her quick wit and memory of my favorite sayings. 

I love my children. 

At least Rylie's not saying "shit" anymore. The first time my friend, Ash-a-lee, met my girls, Rylie dropped something off the couch (2 years old) and said "Oh, shit." I also caught her saying in her room all alone once when she spilt. That's my kid. I have worked to reword my sayings. For a while there a friend and I... when we wanted to swear and the girls were around would yell out random foods. The kids thought we were nuts and we of course we die laughing on the floor. 

Hopefully when the girls come home from their father's house tomorrow they'll shock me with something new and great like normal. 

Do yo know what my job is?

Me, "Do you know what my job is?"
Rylie, "Nope."
Me, "To teach you stuff..."
Rylie, "Oh."
Me, "So am I doing a good job?"
Rylie, "Well I suppose so."

Such confidence she has in me. She was also the cutest defiant child this morning. I politely told my daughter this earlier "Rylie put your tights on." She replied with a very concrete, sweet, confident, smiley "nope."

This is her "knock knock joke" face
Such an event filled morning already.

Welcome to me oh so sweet world of not listening to mothers in the morning. (I'm sure I didn't listen to my mom in the morning either.